Thursday, August 16, 2012

A Bloggers Confession: Today I hate my Dis-Ability

I hate my Dis-Ability. Why you ask? Because people in our society today do not see that those of us with a Dis-Ability who are working with in our own minds minute by minute battling our Disease to try and not only better ourselves but the entire world around us are shunned and pushed completely aside and our Ability is completely ignored. Seriously.

This is why I hate my Dis-Ability of ADHD, Borderline Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Borderline Tourettes, possible Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and who knows what other lovely combination of the Developmental Dis-Ability Alphabet Soup of Mental Illnesses.

My Ability is strong as the day is long. My first name which is Charles which means "Strong or Manly",God Himself gave me that name of my Father for a reason I guess to keep me in remembrance, which I have tried to live into one day at a time. It is hard when you have all of the various issues I have and for some to just not see the Ability which is right before their eyes daily or to complain about your Ability. 

Sometimes it gets unbearable and I wonder what to do. Some times I wish I could just stop thinking. God is not going to let that happen I know. He needs me too much just as He needs all of us who have great talents who are Developmentally Dis-Abled , that should be Developmentally Abled and some of us more than others perhaps.

If I am not medicated I am like a wild man out of control and even with medication my mind due to the ADHD which I have learned to turn around and make work for me is going a million miles a minute and thinking months if not years down the line and as far out side of the box on all manner of issues in and around my life and it drives my present family completely nuts because I think so fast and so far ahead I believe they are jealous of the fact that my Dis-Ability is actually an Ability they might not ever or never have or be able to work towards achieving.

What is a person with such a wide range of Developmental Dis-Ability Issues to do I must ask at this point in this presentation.

At times I honestly do not know what to do. Go on stronger medication to slow me down even more? Become a complete and total isolationist with in my own mind or what. Seriously at times I just do not know.

Why is our Ability ignored, looked down upon, frowned upon and crushed so much it makes any of us just want to crawl into a shell and tell the world to heck with it you are on your own, I have honestly tried but I in all honesty do not know how much longer I  really want to keep helping and or trying.

I  guess I can relate to how God's Prophets once felt in their own darkest of times when nobody would listen to them and then the people's end came and the people wailed and cried "why didn't you tell us of this" to which the Prophets of God replied in return "We tried but you would not listen because you thought we were all crazy, lame, deaf, dumb and or blinded by some unseen force when in reality we are the visionaries that God sent unto you as you prayed for". 

This is why I  hate my Dis-Ability today because people think I am of the crazy, lame, deaf, dumb and or blinded by some unseen force when in reality I am of the stock who have the Ability to do what others cannot do for themselves let alone others around them.

What must I do ask my Doctor to slow me and my mind down further than I am now at this point in time? What would the world around me lose with this and what would I lose of myself is another question. It is to ponder upon. 

We are pushed aside even by our own at times and left to wonder aimlessly across the Sands of Time itself. 

Yes today I hate my Dis-Ability but tomorrow is another day and as such we live this thing called life one day at a time.

Peace and Carpe Diem(Seize the day) one and all.

/Rant off.


JudiElise said...

There are always going to be days that our ability is more of a disability than ever. And, there will always be people who do not understand. My question to you is this:

Is your ability bringing value to the world? Is your ability able to make a difference or support you and others financially? Is your ability able to bring about positive change?

If so, don't worry about the rest. If not, then focus that ability to do the above. Because in the end, those are the things that matter.

Chuck Dudley Jr said...

Thank you we all have our off days once in awhile. This was mine. Rare and far between yet I always know I am in good company here on the blog.